Spouse Advise Requested

[Marine4Life]

I have a question that I would like to ask but I'll tell you why first.
Since last October, I've been talking to the Marine Corps Officer Selection Officer for Tennessee and its been a very long process. My wife initially was all for it. I have a few waivers to clear now because we're married now, we have kids, and some other issues(as some of you know). Now she says she cant be a military wife but she's never been one before. Plus she cant tell me why. My biggest problem is that at one point early in the relationship, she was actually going to enlist in the Army and I backed her 100%. I've always backed her in whatever she wanted to do whether I thought it was a good idea or not. I've tried talking to her and even asked my OSO which Officer MOS's rarely deploy and if so, wherecan my family go too. I also asked about any resources that spouses can take advantage of. Anyway, my question is what are some things I can tell my wife about military life from a spouse's point of view? I need advice because I have a good shot at this and its always been a dream of mine and I can't tell her about something I dont know about. Armygirl, Fireball...chime in.

[Armygirl4Ever]

I have a question that I would like to ask but I'll tell you why first.
Since last October, I've been talking to the Marine Corps Officer Selection Officer for Tennessee and its been a very long process. My wife initially was all for it. I have a few waivers to clear now because we're married now, we have kids, and some other issues(as some of you know). Now she says she cant be a military wife but she's never been one before. Plus she cant tell me why. My biggest problem is that at one point early in the relationship, she was actually going to enlist in the Army and I backed her 100%. I've always backed her in whatever she wanted to do whether I thought it was a good idea or not. I've tried talking to her and even asked my OSO which Officer MOS's rarely deploy and if so, wherecan my family go too. I also asked about any resources that spouses can take advantage of. Anyway, my question is what are some things I can tell my wife about military life from a spouse's point of view? I need advice because I have a good shot at this and its always been a dream of mine and I can't tell her about something I dont know about. Armygirl, Fireball...chime in.

Well two things first off..

1. I have a very different perspective than most military wives because I've served in the military myself and have been deployed thus giving me a different mentality.

2. Different branches offer different programs for their spouses, my experience is purely Army..so I'm only familiar with the programs we offer for our spouses.

That being said, here's the advice I offer.

You can't say, look, others are doing it, so can you. I don't know her background or your background for that matter. I think we went down this road already on one of your previous posts but if she's not talking to you and telling you why she is against it, there really isn't much we can say. Strangers on a forum aren't going to offer her much insight, we're strangers.

It might be the "unknown" that is getting to her. Maybe all the irrational fears getting the best of her. War sucks, deployment sucks but it's life...military life. You have to learn how to deal with it. You have kids...ok..so do I. Three of them who have known no different lifestyle and you know what, they are pretty decent kids, I think the Army lifestyle has been a good thing for them. Some military families merely survive and others thrive in this lifestyle. What is the deciding factor in that? Each individual. If you went in and your wife was against it and becomes bitter and resentful, I can tell you that it might take a long time to change her attitude if it changes at all.

Here's my final advice..while I respect your decision to want to serve, I would caution signing those papers without your wife's support. The military lifestyle is stressful enough with that added pressure of knowing your spouse resents your career choice. On the flipside of that, it's important that you sit down and express to her why this is important to you because she could find herself on the other end of resentment. Does she want you to resent her if you don't go in. There has to be a compromise and no one on this forum can make that for you. I can't give you some wonderful advice that is going to magically make her want this as much as you.

I hope that you guys can come to an agreement you both can live with.

[Marine4Life]

Well two things first off..

1. I have a very different perspective than most military wives because I've served in the military myself and have been deployed thus giving me a different mentality.

2. Different branches offer different programs for their spouses, my experience is purely Army..so I'm only familiar with the programs we offer for our spouses.

That being said, here's the advice I offer.

You can't say, look, others are doing it, so can you. I don't know her background or your background for that matter. I think we went down this road already on one of your previous posts but if she's not talking to you and telling you why she is against it, there really isn't much we can say. Strangers on a forum aren't going to offer her much insight, we're strangers.

It might be the "unknown" that is getting to her. Maybe all the irrational fears getting the best of her. War sucks, deployment sucks but it's life...military life. You have to learn how to deal with it. You have kids...ok..so do I. Three of them who have known no different lifestyle and you know what, they are pretty decent kids, I think the Army lifestyle has been a good thing for them. Some military families merely survive and others thrive in this lifestyle. What is the deciding factor in that? Each individual. If you went in and your wife was against it and becomes bitter and resentful, I can tell you that it might take a long time to change her attitude if it changes at all.

Here's my final advice..while I respect your decision to want to serve, I would caution signing those papers without your wife's support. The military lifestyle is stressful enough with that added pressure of knowing your spouse resents your career choice. On the flipside of that, it's important that you sit down and express to her why this is important to you because she could find herself on the other end of resentment. Does she want you to resent her if you don't go in. There has to be a compromise and no one on this forum can make that for you. I can't give you some wonderful advice that is going to magically make her want this as much as you.

I hope that you guys can come to an agreement you both can live with.

Good stuff AG. Thanks.