A man's cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

Game keeper shouts ' Dinnae drink thon water min, its foo o' coo's ****e n pish.
Man replies 'My good fellow, I'm English ....repeat that in English'.

Gamekeeper replies 'I said use both hands - you get more that way'

....................

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"If you're going through hell, keep going". Winston Churchill

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-Fireball
Army Wife and mother of 3

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The Broadwayblues / New York Yankees
Sacred Heart University-Division 1 Men's Ice hockey.
Army Aviation U S A


Classic. And we get it.

Posted by... Nightflyer..Go get me a beer.... Posted by Zekos....get me one too b.itch Posted by... Exo1.Haha!!... good man!!.... .........yeah!!.... while your out there get me one too.....Posted by... SniperALpha1Corona with lime is the way to go. CAUSE THAT'S AMERICA *****!Posted by...Zidane Whiskey pl0x.

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...thats about right knowning the scots.....funny joke spike....tnx

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Hi Ho Hi Ho

A man is driving down a road passes a woman driving up the same road.......... They pass each other.....and the man shouts "COW!!!!" the Woman yells out her window ......"PRICK!!!"" ........then woman turns the conner and hits a cow in the middle of the road


the morel of the story is......women never listen to men when it counts....

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Hi Ho Hi Ho

lol.. good jokes boyz... its army.com happy hour.. lol....

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"Barrel High, Powder Dry!"

"Illic est haud effrego ex Veneratio"

An increase in recent terrorist threats has raised security levels

all across Great Britain from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,

security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated," or even "A Bit

Cross." The British have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in

1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. If threats continue to rise,

levels may go to "Tiresome" or even a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time

the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire

of 1666.



In a related move, the French government announced yesterday that it

has also raised its terror alert level, moving from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and

"Collaborate." This rise was precipitated by a recent fire that

destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the

country's military capability.



And it's not only the English and French who have heightened their

respective levels of alert. Italy has increased its alert level from

"Shout Loudly and Excitedly," to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two

more levels remain for the Italians:

"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."



Not to be outdone, the Germans also increased their alert state from

"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."

They too, have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."



Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the

only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.



Meanwhile, the Spanish are quite excited about the deployment of

their new fleet of submarines. These beautifully designed subs have

glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at

the old Spanish navy.

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"If you're going through hell, keep going". Winston Churchill

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was

enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't

strong enough to nick one.

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife

didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that

would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light

it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in

the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next

to my ear is going to help me.'

‘Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He

held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which

point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue

counting on his other hand.



This procedure also works in Middlesbrough, parts of Wales and

anywhere in Ireland.

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"If you're going through hell, keep going". Winston Churchill

Now THAT was funny!!....

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"Barrel High, Powder Dry!"

"Illic est haud effrego ex Veneratio"

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any ****ing Frenchmen to show it to"

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"If you're going through hell, keep going". Winston Churchill